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I can't help it. Almost every day I reflect on the journey we took a year ago with Kaleb, our family and Primary Children's Medical Center. It is a dull ache but an ache nonetheless and it hurts sometimes. Especially when I see all the scars on his chest and belly, it brings back such scary memories. My paranoia is going away, however, so that is a good thing. Kaleb's pediatrician told me, at Kaleb's last check up, that Kaleb is no more likely to have heart issues at this point that him or I! That was such a relief to hear. But these wounds are going to take some time to heal completely, and you know what, I don't know if they will ever COMPLETELY heal, but maybe they'll stop hurting.
Anyway....... I also think that I dwell on what we went thru to stop myself from dealing with current stresses and situations in my life. In example, our home is being foreclosed on. We have it up for sale and have gotten 2 offers already, we just have to submit them to the bank. I'm afraid to have them submitted because if the bank accepts the offers then that means the hope of keeping our house is gone. At this point, that hope is not gone because we are still in the running for a loan modification, which the bank is taking there sweet time to deliberate over. We have been trying to get a loan modification for OVER A YEAR!!! Can someone please make up their minds already over there!!!!! Yeah, I'm talkin to you Wells Fargo!!! We'll see what the Lord has planned for us. We are trusting Him with this situation as we trusted Him with Kaleb and He sure did not disappoint us there! (Praise God!)......... So why is it so hard to trust that He'll make everything ok? Most days I do trust and believe but doubt tends to sneak in occasionally. I pray my faith and trust in my creator will be magnified each day. I do know that everything will end up ok. Even if we have to move into a 900 sq. ft. condo again, there will be so much love packed into that tiny place it'll seem like it's one million sq. ft. (Shane is always reassuring me about that :-) Love my hubby!)..... So anyway, you are probably wondering how this all ties into "Kaleb the Conquer" as is the title of this blog........ Well, as Kaleb conquered the giant hurdles of open heart surgery when he was only 6 days old, and all the recovery and catching up in life he has had to do, it makes me quite confident that I too, can be a conqueror with anything that life throws at me.
"I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME." Philippians 4:13..... Thank you Jesus, for the strength that you offer me each day, each moment, for each hurdle that is in front of me!
