Let me cut the chase......

I really feel like I'm postponing talking about Kaleb's surgery so I'm just going to cut to the chase.  Ya, my labor sucked.  I was induced on the 26th of October, sometime in the morning and I labored for almost 24 hours before I was like "K, just cut me open"......  My body just was not having the pregnancy anymore.  My liver was failing, my kidney's were giving out, my platelet levels were dropping and I guess once they get below 100 you can't have an epidural so I was like get me an epidural and start this engine, we're having a baby. 

So off we went, we knew nothing about Kaleb's heart condition.  All throughout my pregnancy doctors talked about how healthy his heart sounded and it's just ironic that that is the thing that was wrong with him.

Anyway, 8:08 AM October 27, 2009, 5 lbs. 9 oz. fuzzy haired Kaleb was pulled from my body via c-section.  One thing that was so funny about the c-section, I did not like the feeling of not feeling and being awake and being cut open. I was clenching my teeth, and growling, and kind of screeching, and the anesthesiologist was like "Do you want some morphine?", I was like "Heck ya!!!!", as soon as Kaleb came out he gave me a nice rush of morphine then, with a smile, asked "Do you want some more?", "Ooooooh yaaaaaaa!"  So you can imagine I was so drugged up when they took me back to my room.  I was alone.  Shane was following Kaleb up to the NICU to get is tests done.  We knew he would have to stay at St. Mark's Hospital for at least a week or two because he was 5 weeks premature, but we had no idea what came next......

THIS IS GROSS ME AFTER THEY BROUGHT

ME BACK TO MY ROOM AFTER

THE C-SECTION.

So the nurses and doctors told Shane they needed Kaleb for a couple hours to run some tests so Shane came home to have a "It's a Boy" cigar and a beer when he got a phone call from his dad informing him that Kaleb needed heart surgery and that was all Randy knew..... I guess the grandparents were watching the tests or just hanging out by the NICU when the doctors emerged with that news and told the grandparents first.  But I was so out of it, I really don't know what order it happened in.  I just know that I was alone in my room and two doctors came in, I was completely messed up on Morphine and who knows what else, they started telling me all the medical terms of his heart defects and I could not wrap my brain around it.  I could not get emotional about it because I didn't fully understand what was going on but I knew by the looks on their faces that it was sad news, scary news.  I told them that I was way too drugged up to get any of what they were saying and asked them to come back later to explain again.

Most of this day was such a blur.  I don't remember if the doctors ever came back to explain to me or if Shane just got all the info and told me but I remember just being in tears for the next 3 weeks, every day, almost all day. 

THIS WAS IN THE NICU BEFORE

THEY GOT HIM IN THAT TRANSPORT BOX

AND BROUGHT HIM INTO MY ROOM.

Kaleb was wheeled into my room in this box, he had all these tubes and wires hooked up to him, had a breathing tube in, he was headed for the NICU at Primary Children's Hospital and I wouldn't get to hold him until who knows when.  I was so devastated.  His life was hanging in the balance and I was in the dark, I had no information on what was going on with my baby for 3 days, that's when I made my way up to Primary Children's Hospital for the first time........ That story is for another day.  This was hard enough writing about, the rest is going to be even harder but I feel the healing happening.  Thanks for reading everyone!

MISS YOU KATIE (MY MINI ME)!!!!!!